
  Nr.3   1997   Price: 80 Pakistani Rupees, 1.42 Dinar, 2.00 USD, 2.70 CAD

                                        \  ####    <- Authentic "one size 
                                         *######      fits all" turban
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           Sanjed the  ->   ########     #####      <- Arabus Raunchius,
           Camel, our      ##########      #######     better known as the
           mascot and       ##  #####     #####        common Paki.
           a Paki deity     #   ####      ######
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              Emergency ->  # ####  #     ######
              Brake         # ######    #########
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                                #####################  <- Note the tattoo
                                 ###################      saying "Paradigm
                                 ######      #######      was here"
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                                 WWW.BUDGETPAKI.ORG
                                THEPAKIS@HOTMAIL.COM
            "The Pakis that stay together pray 5 times a day together"

=============================================================================

It is Sunday 29 SHa`baan 542 B.H and here is, straight from the vast desert
regions of the third world...


               THE THIRD WORLD PAKI CHARTS - MAY 1997 EDITION


=============================================================================


Theme Song (to be sung to the chorus of Jay-Z's "Ain't No")

Ain't no Paki like the one I've got
No one eats curry better
Runs the 7-11 and stinks a lot       
Has enough back hair to make a sweater

* Note: To skip this section, just do a Find "*****"

        Another month and still you white devils control the scene.  Time and
time again we travel through the desert to pick up a game, only to be beaten
by days thanks you accursed nations and your gods be damned car.  How can
our camels compete?  Oh well, we'll perservere, as we have Allah on our
side, and he will smite you with his mighty sword of justice (translation:  
we read some shit in the Khoran, and since we're dumb Pakis we're fanatical
about it and will kill you if you cross us, stupid Americans!).
        Sorry for that little outburst, you'd be a little delirious too if
you only got fed one bowl of couscous every 3 weeks (30 cents a day will feed
us my ass).  We'd like to dedicate this issue to Achmad who had his hands  
chopped off for being an infidel, and not bowing to the sacred cow.  You  
Western dogs corrupted his mind with your Wendy's commercials and 6 million
burgers sold.  How DARE you serve the most holy of holies with a side of large
fries and a medium Mr. Pibb?!?!?  We will never understand your foolish ways,
but at least we know that if we're good Pakis who remain fanatical and kill
ourselves bombing key US locations, we'll be lifted to Nirvana while you burn
in hell.
        Anyways here we are with another issue.  Unfortunately it's been a
slow month, but hell we sit around in the sand doing nothing all day so what
do we care?  You'll notice the charts are a little bare, but once again not 
much of interest has happened this month, so what did you expect?
        Oh yeah, some anonymous Paki from Razor will guest star again, but
it's a different one than last month.  Yee-haw.

        How do we rate games you say?  Normally we let the camels choose the
pick of the litter, but for now we'll go by the following system:

******************************************************************************
 GROUND RULES
******************************************************************************

1. In regards to assigning credit, the rule is FIRST COMPLETE, WORKING, 
   CRACKED version wins.  This is not to say that SUBST is not a viable way
   of getting a release out.  In the case of a race, however, where two
   groups put up a title within 1 hour or so of each other, if one is cracked
   and the other is a subst, the cracked one gets credit.  It is to be hoped
   that this will remind half the idiotic groups out there about the rules
   they agreed to.

2. Betas.  Some people dislike them, others don't.  Here's how we define a
   beta, and we'll deal with it in the following manner.  A Beta = If a 
   program is different from the version you buy on a store shelf, guess what,
   it's a beta (despite fervent claims that this is not the right way to
   define beta, it's been the right way for 8 years, and us Pakis don't
   break with tradition...oops, forgot to put on my turban).  If a group is
   forthright about it, and puts that a game is a beta in their .NFO and .DIZ
   they get half the credit that the full title would have gotten.  Should
   a group decide it's best to pull the wool over our eyes, they get the
   acclaimed Razor "it's final just not the store final" award and 1/10 
   of the points that the full title would get.  If a group releases a
   final version, PROVIDED THEY HAVE SUFFICIENT PROOF (File size differences, 
   especially in the .EXE as well as any other obvious differences in gameplay, 
   such as the addition of multiplayer, etc will be sufficient proof)
   to justify the final, they are awarded the same points as would be given 
   to a previously unreleased title.

3. The disk limit is set at 75 1.44 Meg Disks.  Go over it, and us Pakis will
   not only bestow upon you the Paradigm "quality not quantity, rip not rape,
   good games need no limit" award, which is a little golden statue depicting
   a pile of shit upon a pedestal, we will also give you 20 NEGATIVE POINTS to
   be subtracted from your monthly total and a big fuck you.  The limit is 75, 
   7-5 (even us Pakis can count this high), and since it was set by all 
   groups, much to their chagrin now we're sure, breaking it results in a 
   heinous act of stupidity and lameness.  The fleas of a thousand camels 
   will find your tent as punishment.

4. Addons are legit releases in the following case ONLY.  If the company who
   makes the game made the addon, it counts just like any other game.  For
   example, the Steel Panthers Campaign disk by SSI is for the game Steel 
   Panthers, also made by SSI, thus it gets credit.  70 More Levels of Warcraft 
   is made by Lame Pakis, Inc for the game Warcraft from Blizzard, thus it does
   not get credit.  Scenario disks have always been legit, the fact that 
   nowadays they are 10 disks instead of 1 changes nothing, despite what
   lame asses would like you to believe.

5. Games that are for MMX, special 3D FX cards, etc are NOT legit releases.
   Put one out, get -1 points, and understand there is a reason real groups
   pass on them.  Even Pakis, as dirty and foul as we are after a day in 
   New Delhi in 100 degree weather, find putting one out is disgusting.

6. Sound, Video, etc Addons get NO points.  You get one release per CD,
   that's all.

******************************************************************************
 RATING SYSTEM
******************************************************************************

        You're not all going to agree with this, and we don't care.  We
can't please everyone, and if you get angry with us, we'll just commence
passive resistance by sitting on your lawn and stinking up the place.  People
have different opinions of what the "big" games are, what the "big" companies
are, etc.  You will have to trust our judgement, even if we are stupid sand
crawlers.

1. A previously unreleased game will receive between 1 - 10 points, depending
   on how "big" a title something is.  This is a measure of how good a game
   we believe it is, how expected a title by gamers it is, and by how big the
   company who made it is.  We are Paki-Americans, so if some title like 
   "Ultimate Soccer Manager '96-'97 Swedish League Deluxe Edition" is big in 
   Europe and we give it minimal points, deal with it.  If it ever appears
   in this country, it will be 2 years later and in the bargain bin.

2. We give bonuses for good ripping!  If a game is less than 20 disks, it
   gets a 1 point bonus.  If a game is less than 10 disks, it gets a 2 point
   bonus.  These bonus points cannot be used, however, to upset the #1 group.
   To give an example, let's say Class is ranked as #2, having put out 10 
   unreleased card games at 4 disks a piece.  They score a 70 + 20 bonus 
   points for a total of 90.  If Razor, ranked at #1, put out 10 unreleased 
   games, all of which were over 20 disks, and scored an 80 total (since they 
   got no bonus points), they still win, since the actual scores are 
   Class 70, Razor 80.  Why do we do it this way?  Not all games can be 
   ripped below a certain level, simply because they are so big, and since 
   the groups don't program them, they shouldn't get penalized.  What good 
   are the points then?  They can be used to upset any other rank than #1.
   If Class had been ranked #3 without bonus points and Razor #2, Class would
   have gained the #2 spot.  We feel most ranks are inconsequential compared
   to #1.

3. Final versions get the same points as unreleased versions, betas get 1/2 or 
   1/10 the points depending on the situation as we mentioned before.
                                                       
4. Trainers, Cheats, and anything else that is a really big help to 
   incompetent Pakis like us will get 1 point.

5. Two points will be subtracted for every NECESSARY fix.  A fix to play
   something multiplayer, though it runs fine for 100 single missions, is
   not considered necessary.  Something like patching a CD Check that pops
   up after every level IS.

******************************************************************************
 RUMORS: The Current Scene Rumor Section
******************************************************************************

- The SPA, in what has to be the worst idiocy of all time, set the new disk 
  limit to 75 disks.  Considering about 2 out of 200 games can't do under 50
  disks, we can only conclude that they are all stupid Pakis.  If you think
  this sucks, we invite you to mail   thepunish@razor1911.com, zeus@pdm97.com,
  and explain to them why you think they're stupid Pakis too.  Special mention
  must go to Hoson for proving he is without a doubt the most foul spawn of
  Kali on this earth, as he just shouted out "75 disks" then ran off before
  anyone could refute or discuss it.  Evidently he's just as fanatically
  stupid as we are.

- Another month gone by with no THG releases.  Will you foolish Western dogs  
  never learn?  The Paki viziers' predictions always come true.  They have
  officially disbanded and become Thuggees.  Look for them in Indiana Jones
  and the Temple of Doom 2, Oahawhool will be playing the Paki dropped into
  the fire.

- Poor TRSI has been victimized.  Posing as "SPAWN," JdA, King of Betas had
  joined.  Upon discovery, they did the right thing and kicked him out
  (salam to you brothers).  It seems this guy is a true Paki at heart, trying
  to pollute the scene with more betas and bring it down to our level in the
  gutters.  When will this guy learn to stop this shit.  Get some finals or
  get the fuck out.  Oh and in case any other groups are scared he's hiding
  under a different nick and need some help determining if it's him, email
  thepakis@hotmail.com and we'll have our camels sniff him out!

- Backlash has merged a couple groups into it, and promises to become more of
  a presence in Europe, as the new team seems to be kicking things into     
  overdrive.  Will they rise to gain the coveted 5th top group slot?  That 
  remains to be seen...

- Hooligan of Razor, who never struck us as anything special, has retired. 
  Why do we mention it?  Well aside from the fact that he is obviously a true
  Paki for following the The Punisher (a son of Allah in real life!), he gave
  them a couple releases in the past.  It seems the group is slowly but
  surely decaying.

- Id Mud of Paradigm has begun doing trainers.  We toss our turbans in the   
  air and salute him for the effort.  

- Rumor has it a petition is in the works demanding that the disk limit
  be restored to 50.  Whose names will appear on it, and when and if it will
  appear, let alone be successful, remains to be seen.

- Cypher, of old Amiga/Spectrum fame, has made a reentry into the PC scene,
  lending his support to Class.  He's given them one game, whether or not
  he can get more remains to be seen.  We'll use our magic carpets to fly
  high overhead and keep an eye on him.

- We scratch our greasy haired sunburned heads over the situation of Milan.
  He was in Hybrid, then joins THG.  He claims that he'd be happier and more
  successful in THG, so he left HBD, though HBD claims they kicked him out.
  Even us stupid Pakis can see Hybrid is a step above THG, though not by far
  (see our previous issues to learn why!), so Milan would be a fool to
  willingly give up such a free ride.  Verdict?  He was tossed from HBD
  like a dirty paki from the rich western foreigners' sections in New Dehli.

- Supposedly Celebre's release of "Axelerate" is a beta.  Is it?  We'll let
  one of you Pakis in training check it out.

- In the wake of Reflux's death, it would appear as if Paradigm has annexed
  most of their members.  This brings a yellow toothed smile to our dirty
  brown faces, as the viziers predictions come true.  The group keeps bringing
  in worthless Pakis, which means we have a chance of becoming members
  too.  Allah be praised!

- Fallen Angel, a former TDT/Razor supplier contemplates returning to the
  PC scene, after several years as a successful console supplier.  Whom will
  he join and will he be successful in the present?  Keep your 57 wives' eyes
  peeled.

- The Renegade Chemist has begun a little project to ease the pain of his 
  retirement.  Currently he's got a web page going at
  http://falcon.laker.net/chemist   which he is using to give people info
  on current goings on in the scene.  He's looking for some help in the form
  of guest writers, so if you're interested in keeping the scene well
  informed, email    chemist@laker.net  and tell him you've got some curry
  for him.

******************************************************************************
 MONTHLY HIGHLIGHTS: Interesting Episodes
******************************************************************************

- Though we'll give them credit for it, PDM decided to do the final version 
  of City of Lost Children about 6 weeks after it became available, despite 
  other groups passing on it.  Shame on you Pakis, try to be a bit faster in
  the future (maybe they were busy praying to Mecca?).

- Gooch Grundy's X-Decathlon from GDW was a beta.  Class releases the final
  and gets the credit.

- Hybrid's release of Exhumed was something of a curiosity.  First let us
  begin my making you aware of the fact that Exhumed is a dupe, simply
  being a European rename of Power Slave, released last year by PDM.  As
  if that wasn't bad enough, both Milan and Mad Turnip put out 2 different
  versions.  Supposedly this is what led to Milan's..mmm..departure (to
  put it nicely).  Of course both releases were dupes so Turnip is a big
  arse Paki too, and we giggle at his antics as he tries to gain self-esteem
  by pretending to be as cool as the white boys.

- We Pakis tire of seeing unncessary fixes.  It does nothing but bother poor
  innocent groups and annoy us to death.  Id Mud's fix for HBD's X-Wing vs
  Tie Fighter was NOT NECESSARY, it works fine for all the people, dirty Pakis
  included.  Also, Lost Soul's fix for CLS's Adventures of Lomax was NOT
  NECESSARY, it also works fine for us crusty sand dwellers.  If people do
  not stop this idiocy, we'll throw our turbans down in the sand and go on
  strike, since we will no longer be able to perform our job of being the
  most stupid creatures on Earth, as people like Id Mud and Lost Soul think
  they can do the job better.

- Deathmatch Maker from Razor is a piece of junk.  It might be an "officially
  licensed" piece of crap, but it's still crap and will be treated as such. If
  it ain't made by the company who made the original game, it ain't legit. See
  ya, half the scene don't wanna be ya.  Sad.

- Moto Racer from PDM needed about 4 fixes to get it running properly.  The
  reason for this was the game had a check every few levels, so we must     
  forgive them for the mistake.  The game wouldn't even load at first, however,
  so we will penalize them for that fix.

- Riot, released earlier this year by RLX was a beta.  Class releases PULP   
  (the name of the game in America) and gets the final credit.

******************************************************************************
 RELEASES: All the info a Paki could ever want
******************************************************************************


    Key: NEW - Unreleased new title
         FIN - Final version
         ADD - Addon/Expansion Disk
         TRN - Trainer
         CHT - Cheat
         FIX - Fix
         DUP - Duplicate, No Credit Given
         BET - Beta
         LAM - Lame : 3DFX/MMX Stuff, Regged Shareware
         CRP - Crap : Lame Program Expansion (Video Addon, etc)
         SHT - Shit : Over the Limit Stuff




   ______  /|  ___   /\______ /\______
  /      \/ | / _ \ /   _____/   _____>1
 /    |_ /  |/  |  \\____  \ \____  \  9
<     | <   /   |   /   |   \/   |   \ 9
 \  _____\_<____|___\_____  /\_____  / 7
+==\/=====================\/====hh!\/==+

______________________________________________________________________________

|Release Name              Company           Status   Size   Points   Bonus  |
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Adventures of Lomax    Psygnosis          NEW!     04       6       2
Battleground 6: N.I.R.     Talonsoft          NEW!     49       6       -
Battleground 7: Bull Run   Talonsoft          NEW!     41       6
Blood *Trainer*            GT Interactive     TRN!     01               1
Capitalism Plus            Interactive Magic  NEW!     20       6       1
Crush! Deluxe              Megamedia          NEW!     07       6       2
Davis Love for Links LS    Access Software    NEW!     35       5
Enemy Nations              Windward Studios   NEW!     48       7
Enemy Nations *Sound Add*  Windward Studios   CRP!     36       0
FPS: Baseball '98          Sierra             NEW!     44       9
Front Page Sports: Golf    Sierra             NEW!     50       7
GG's X-Decathlon           Microforum         FIN!     49       6
History of the World       Avalon Hill        NEW!     09       6       2
Last Rites                 Ocean              NEW!     21       6
P.U.L.P.                   Psygnosis          FIN!     17       6       1
Roland Garros '97          Microfolies        NEW!     10       7       2
Rush Hour                  Psygnosis          NEW!     37       6
Shadows Over Riva          Sir-Tech Software  NEW!     48       7
TB2: Expansion Disk        Sierra             NEW!     07       5       2
Tennis Elbow               Goto Informatique  NEW!     12       6       1
XMen: Children of the Atom Acclaim            NEW!     08       7       2
X-Men *TRAINER*            Acclaim            TRN!     01               1
Zapitalism Deluxe          Ionos              NEW!     41       5
                                                               ---      ---
                                              SUBTOTAL POINTS 125 BONUS 14
                                                            TOTAL : 139

 QUICK REVIEWS:

 Adv of Lomax : Cool lemmings jump n run game with great sound/gfx.  80%
 Battleground 6: Boring hex view wargame.  60%
 Battleground 7: See above.  60%
 Capitalism Plus: Business simulation that's complex and boring.  65%
 Crush! Deluxe: Strange strategy/football mix.  Ok gfx.  65%
 Davis Love: Player addon for Links LS.  50%
 Enemy Nations: Cool C&C clone with multiple realtime windows.  80%
 FPS Base: Latest installment in the series, not as good as TP98.  85%
 FPS Golf: Nice golf game with great multiplayer.  85%
 GG's X-Dec: Shitty comedy/olympic style game.  Pass on it.  35%
 History: Boring strategy game with fex gfx.  60%
 PULP: Nice soccer style sports game with shitty gfx.  70%
 Roland G : Nice tennis game with Virtua style characters.  75%
 Rush Hour: Nice racing game with good sound but really slow.  70%
 Shadows: Shitty RPG that looks straight outta '93.  30%
 TB2 Exp: More lakes/tournament modes for Trophy Bass 2.  50%
 Tennis El: Shitty tennis sim, but it's got network play.  60%
 X-Men: Nice arcade beat em up like SF2.  Good conversion.  80%
 Zapitalism: Shitty Business sim.  20%

ANON PAKI COMMENTS: CLASS has once again proved its total domination over
the pakistan game scene from the Karachi shores to the Islamabad heights 
(close to the himalaya ;P). They sure have people to get the stuff from all 
the local bazaar's and markets. They keep on releasing every final that pass 
through they hands proving that even Pakis finally learn the virtue of 
Taylorism by being able to handle the release of up to 5 release a day ! 
Still they have got a quality control problem ! They do work fine on release 
proving they ability to do good ripping job of those 500 Mb large ressources
(eg Enemy Nations) but they can't do much if the raw material suxxx ...
I mean considering that in Pakistan very few people got cable modem and iSDN
who would bother leeching a 40 disks + decathlon game !
Still those pakis have proven that in the love of Allah they can beat all the
obnoxious western competitors who are resting on their laurels and can only
sit and wait for the king of pakis to slam anther one !   


 Past Performance - Based upon past performance we'd expect the number one
                    position to be taken by this group who continually 
                    has proven their ability since formation in January.

 Actual Performance:
        
        Not too much to say, some more activity in Europe from them this
month, it had been their weak area.  Whether they'll successfully carve a
spot for themselves in that area remains to be seen, but the addition of
Cypher and an anonymous tennis game supplier, they stand a reasonable chance.

 Predicted Performance - They'll take the number one spot again next month
                         unless a magical new force does something about it.

_____ _____  ____ _____  ________________
\_   | \   \/   / _   /__\_   \_/   _    \
 |   _  \_  \ _/  \   \ __/___/ |   /    /
 |___|   |____|___/   /_\   \___|_______/
  ::d|___|::::::.\___/.:.\___\::::::::::

______________________________________________________________________________
|Release Name              Company           Status   Size   Points   Bonus  |
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 Golf Pro 2000           Brilliant Inter.     NEW!     12       6        1
 Space Station Sim.      Maris Multimedia     NEW!     46       6    
 Space Station *Fix*     Maris Multiemedia    FIX!     01               -2
                                                               ---      ---
                                              SUBTOTAL POINTS  12  BONUS -1
                                                            TOTAL : 11

 QUICK REVIEWS:

 Golf Pro 2000 - Ok golf game with shit gfx but funny commentary.  65%
 Space Station - Not much of a game, build a station fly it around.  60%

 ANON PAKI COMMENTS: HYBRID has not done much this year ! I am not sure that
so far in 1997 they have done more than 10 titles. Besides, apart x-wing vs tie
they only got titles that cannot even be traded for ONE severly handicapped 
elderly camel. We may be pakis but we are not fools ! Where are those soccer 
games and pinball games ? 
Still it seems that hybrid suppliers have lost their faith in Allah and even
their guru is too ashame to show up and debate around a cup of mint tea at the
Karachi Caf.


 Past Performance - This group has dominated Europe for the past several
                    months, but was unable to have any success in the USA.
                    Recently they've been rather dead as well, as certain
                    key suppliers have been preoccupied, and the number of
                    European releases has dwindled.

 Actual Performance : 

        Milan leaves the group, guess it's no big deal, his first "rel"
didn't go so hot anyway.  What else can we say but Salam!  He went out like
a Paki.

 Predicted Performance - Typically coming in as the #2 contender, due to the
                         smaller number of European releases, it's expected
                         they will retain this slot in May, continuing to
                         produce only European titles.


                    
        ۲ݲ    
 ۲ 
 ޲ ۲     
       
 ۲ ۲ ۲۲ ۲ ۲
 ۲ ۲
                               
                             
                               
______________________________________________________________________________
|Release Name              Company           Status   Size   Points   Bonus  |
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
City of the Lost Children  Psygnosis          FIN!     1?       6       1
Extreme Assault            Blue Byte          NEW!     39       6
HOMM2 Expansion            New World Comp.    NEW!     08       5       2
Moto Racer *Fix Needed*    Delphine/EA        NEW!     2?       8      -2
Pandemonium                BMG Interactive    NEW!     17       7       1
Triple Play 98             Electronic Arts    NEW!     56       9      
                                                               ---      ---
                                              SUBTOTAL POINTS  41  BONUS 2
                                                            TOTAL : 43

 QUICK REVIEWS:

 City - Ok adventure/action game with great gfx.  75%
 Extreme Assault - Action game where you are a helicopter or tank.  70%
 HOMM2 - More scenarios, treasures, etc for Heroes of M&M 2.  60%
 Moto Racer - Extremely popular motorcycle racing game w/ TCP/IP play.  90%
 Pandemonium - Nice platform game with good gfx/sound.  80%
 TP98 - Great baseball game.  Cool gfx, good gameplay.  95%

 ANON PAKI COMMENTS: This is a good month from those PDM pakis. They have done
a few titles but let's face it all of them are good ... PDM aka the english
sub-label of DYNASTY has finally managed to get some US members ...
One of them has betrayed Allah by picking the name of an infamous greek god.
A jihad has been voted to get his head. There in no god other than Allah that
all of us should worship. He did the ultimate offense he kept his shoes when
entering the Islamabad mosque.
Despite its impure members and a game that needed 3,751,564 fixes (the latest 
was called the 152,45 % Fix) PDM may performance is above the average . 
But we paki feel that it is not sure that German markets will remain that active. 
So wait and seen !

 Past Performance - While they have gotten some nice titles in the past, their
                    lack of motivation/skill has relegated this group to the
                    lesser ranks.  Combine it with a holier than thou
                    attitude (us Pakis sometimes feel the same way...jihad!)
                    and a blatant disregard for the disk limit, and you've
                    got a paradigm of how not to run a group.

 Actual Performance : 
 
        No major changes this month, they got the titles we expected them to,
though they have been doing a lot of fixes/trainers for their games as well
as other groups.  We don't know exactly how many trainers they did and for
what, but if someone tells us we'll award the points for it.  For the moment
they are the closest thing to a competitor Class has.

 Predicted Performance - Figure out how many games are coming from Germany in
                         June, add it to how many games there will be from
                         the US companies they've got stuff from before,
                         and you'll know what to expect.

 _______  ________  ____________     __
\____   \/  \__   \/  _ \____   \ __/  \____
 / _/  _/    \/   /   /  / _/  _// / / / / /
/  \   \  /\ /   /\  /  /  \   \/ /\  / / /
\__/\   \/RTX______\___/\__/\   \/ / /_/_/
=====\___)===\__)============\___)=\/=======
______________________________________________________________________________
|Release Name              Company           Status   Size   Points   Bonus  |
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Deathmatch Maker         Virtus               LAM!     ??      1           
Star Trek: Generations   Microprose           NEW!     75      7 
                                                               ---      ---
                                              SUBTOTAL POINTS   8  BONUS 0
                                                            TOTAL :  8
 
 QUICK REVIEWS:

 ST: Gen - Nice adventure/first person game based on the hit show.  80%

 ANON PAKI COMMENTS: RAZOR members are still hibernating ! It is very sad since
the RAZOR name give all of us a thrill ... The name is now tarnished because
despite its 40 people members list razor has only a few of them active ...
Just like HYBRID it seems that the old legends are simply dying ! Lack of faith
in Allah, loss of motivation are only among the few factors that are striking
the RAZOR suppliers. All of us gathering at the mosque on friday will have a 
special prayer for RAZOR recovery ! I mean they have entertained generations 
of paki on the C64, the A500, the floppy PC scene and finally the PC CD scene.
All of us hope that RAZOR curries will have something to do next month !
We paki suggest that they go trough a SEVERE reorgansation or their few capables 
members will lose what remains of their motivation. Razor is trough its mortal
agony and all of us paki wish that they get the right doctor to recover at LEAST
a bit of their former strengh !

 Past Performance - Despite claims of glory, the once great group has been in
                    a steady decline for the past year, putting out small
                    numbers of titles, though they are good ones.

 Actual Performance :

         The deadest month in a long time.  Expect to see members leaving
shortly, as they seek active groups, not that we think any of these people
are very useful as the lack of releases shows.  Nice job on Beowulf's part
of ripping that monster game, he's disappointed us poor pakis though, we
were expecting to see a month go by with not 1 legit rel.

 Predicted Performance - Yet another slow month, in which a few more betas
                         and over the limit releases will appear.


******************************************************************************
GRAND TOTALS
******************************************************************************


This Month's Totals               Previous Rankings
-------------------               -----------------

1. Class - 131 points             1. Class
2. Paradigm - 43 points           2. Paradigm
3. Hybrid - 11 points             3. Hybrid 
4. Razor - 8 points               4. Reflux
5.                                5. Razor   

Current Records (Since March '97)
---------------
Points - 139 (Class)
# Of Releases in 1 Month - 20 (Class)
Total # Of Releases - 54 (Class)

SUMMARY: Fucking a, Allah's bounty has graced us this month.  Lots and lots
         of games to keep us sand niggers happy.  Well May was the busiest
         month in the first half of last year, and it appeared to be the same
         way this year.  Unfortunately the beginning of summer traditionally
         heralds a drought in games, and we don't really see many signs of
         it being different this year (though Jaffar, head vizier, is 
         consulting his crystal balls).  But hey don't be a stupid Paki and
         complain, you pulled an Ali Baba this momth and made out like a    
         bandit.  Next month we'll see if any of the 40 thieves can save
         Razor (that is if they're not busy playing Deathmatch Maker!).

         As always, stay up playas..keep the bitches in line, and keep it
         real like my nigga Mohammed.

This is Achmed, Apu, Amer, Azim, Azif, Achmed, Anwar, Abdul, and Punjab
signing off.  Catch us next month and always remember...
THE ONES WHO SAY  "QUALITY NOT QUANTITY" ARE *ALWAYS* THE LOSING ONES!

Greets: Satyajit Ray and his ill bunch of hustlas.  Puff Paki and the       
        Notorious P.A.K.I.  Those fucking Turks that tried to punk us and take
        the holy land..yeah back the fuck up you know we on the real. My hos 
        Sita and Gamaji, who know what it's like to take a ride on my sacred
        cow.  Sanjed the camel and his harem of bitches.  The Rajah of Kashmir
        whose quick with the gat and generous with the curry, mad props to
        you.  Wu-Tang Clan - hells yeah we rocked the desert homies, next 
        year wes gonna tear the roof off that fuckin mosque..you mah peeps.
        And finally we greet Paradigm, for proving that just cause you're
        white, doesn't mean you can't be a Paki!!

Be sure to watch "Welcome Back, Patel" a moving 70s comedy featuring the hip
and groovy commentary of Achmed Patel, whose sporting the latest in afro and
turban hybrids daily on WPKI Channel 1, Pakistan's only station!

******************************************************************************
        
        Let's face it, a lot of games come out, and like Pakistan's population
of beggars they're really big.  You want reviews, so you can get a glimpse of
the game before you spend 30 hours downloading it or waiting 7 years for it to
arrive via camel.  Yes, you want reviews, but you're sick of Ionizer's 
incompetence and Pathos's prattle.  Us Pakis have prayed to Mecca, and by
the grace of Allah, we have your answer...

                               THE REVIEWERS GUILD
                                      [TRG]

            * Reviews for every game, within 12 hours of release
            * Full color screen shots in every review
            * Multiple Opinions to help give better perspective
            * Competent and informative reviews 
            * Wit and wisdom approved by our team of Paki experts
            * Friendly reviewers share information and tips

               FOR MORE INFORMATION JOIN #TRG ON IRC EFNET
                    OR CHECK OUT    WWW.TRGUILD.COM
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