cheap, she dosn't register shareware.
fat, she's on BOTH SIDES of the family.
fat, after sex she smokes turkeys.
fat, when I got on top of her, my ears popped.
fat, she broke her arm and GRAVY poured out.
fat, she has her own area code.
fat, she jumped for joy and got stuck.
fat, she don't CAST A SHADOW.
fat, she uses a VCR for a beeper.
fat, she ordered a double room for a singles weekend.
fat, she irons her clothes in the driveway.
fat, she has to use a satellite dish as a diaphragm.
fat, she has to go outside to put on deodorant.
fat, SHE GOT A RUN in her blue jeans.
fat, they had to baptize her at Sea World.
fat, she has to use a TRAIN TRACK for a belt.
fat, they use her underwear for bungee-jumping.
fat, when she stepped on the scale it said,"To be continued."
fat, she couldn't get section 8, she got section 800.
fat, she's GOT MORE CHINS than Chinatown.
fat, she needs Hula Hoops to keep up her socks.
fat, her clothes have STRETCH MARKS.
fat, she has two stomachs-one for meat and on for vegetables.
fat, she needs a watch on both arms 'cause she covers two time zones.
fat, she had to let out her shower curtain.
fat, they have to GREASE THE TUB to get her out of the bath.
fat, she has to hop the turnstile twice.
fat, she had her ears pierced by harpoon.
fat, when I fuck her doggy style I'M RIDING PIGGYBACK.
fat, she can bump into people while sitting down.
fat, I took her to the 7-Eleven AND SHE DIDN'T COME OUT UNTIL 12:15.
fat, she reminds me of a toilet bowl-fat, round, and full of shit.
fat, cars run out of gas just trying to pass her ass.
fat, I have to take two trains and a bus to get on HER GOOD SIDE.
fat, when she puts on a raincoat she looks like a school bus.
fat, she stepped on a dollar and got change.
fat, she can play Double Dutch by herself.
fat, she has to sleep in a barn with the rest of the cows.
fat, she got hit by a car and the car sued for body damages.
fat, when she falls SHE NEEDS A CRANE to get up.
fat, after making love to her I roll over twice and I'm still on her.
fat, her blood type is Ragu.
fat, when she dances the band skips.
fat, she doesn't eat with a fork-she eats with a FORKLIFT.
fat, when she walks with high heels she strikes oil.
fat, she can't even jump to a conclusion.
fat, WHEN SHE TAKES THE SUBWAY the train gets stuck in the tunnel.
fat, the scale read, "Fuck it...they don't pay me enough for this."
fat, if she fell out a tree she'd go STRAIGHT TO HELL.
fat, the back of her neck looks like a pack of franks.
fat, she got her baby pictures taken by satellite.
fat, she went to the salad bar and PULLED UP A CHAIR.
fat, when she was a child she ate her chicken pox.
fat, her belt size is "equator."
fat, her name has stretch marks.
fat, every time she comes out at night there's an eclipse.
fat, when she turns around they throw her A WELCOME-BACK PARTY.
fat, every time she puts an apple in her mouth people try to roast her.
dumb, it takes her an hour and a half to watch 60 MINUTES.
stupid, it takes her an hour to cook Minute rice.
dumb, she thought fish bait was how sharks jerk off.
dumb, she thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican phone company.
dumb, if she spoke her mind she'd be speechless.
stupid, she went to the baker for A YEAST INFECTION.
stupid, she thought a lawsuit was something she wear to court.
dumb, she failed ROMPER ROOM.
dumb, the closest she'll get to a brainstorm is a light drizzle.
country, she got into an elevator and thought it was a mobile home.
stupid, she put Visine on BLACK-EYED PEAS.
dumb, she thought Hamburger Helper came with another person.
dumb, she couldn't pass a blood test.
dumb, she thinks Beirut was a famous home run hitter.
dumb, she think a HOT MEAL is stolen food.
dumb, she thinks local anesthesia comes from Brooklyn.
dumb, she went CORDLESS BUNGEE-JUMPING.
dumb, she put a ruler by the bed to see how long she slept.
dumb, she snuck on a bus and paid to get off.
stupid, she tried to kill Cap'n Crunch to become a serial killer.
dumb, she thinks FEDERAL EXPRESS is a branch of the government.
stupid, she asked for a price check at a 99c store.
dumb, she went to an L.A. Clippers game to get a HAIRCUT.
stupid, she thought Boyz ll Men was a day-care center.
stupid, she thought she needed a token to get on SOUL TRAIN.
dumb, she sat in a tree so she could call herself A BRANCH MANAGER.
dumb, she threw a baseball at batman.
stupid, she thought O.P.P was a miracle drug.
dumb, she thought MC Hammer was a construction worker.
stupid, she tried to drown herself in a car pool.
dumb, she failed finger painting.
dumb, she had a nightmare while daydreaming.
stupid, she thoght masturbation was a karate teacher.
stupid, she invited three friends over for foreplay.
dumb, she went to Dr.J. for a checkup.
dumb, she tried to hail a cab in a subway station.
she're so stupid, she waited eight days for next week.
stupid, she dialed information to get the number for 911.
dumb, I told her WE NEEDED GAS so she farted in the car.
dumb, I told her she lost her mind and she went loking for it.
dumb, she thinks Olde English 800 is a college course.
stupid, she thoght racism was an Olympic event.
stupid, whe went to the library to get A BOOK OF MATCHES.
dumb, she put lipstick on her head to make up her mind.
dumb, she got stabbed in a shoot-out.
dumb, sher brain cells are on the ENDANGERED SPECIES list.
stupid, she went to a fruit stand looking for Darryl Strawberry.
stupid, she thinks a quarter back is a refund.
stupid, she tripped over a cordless phone.
dumb, she asked her boss how to spell UPS.
dumb, she TRIED TO DIAL 911, but she couldn't find 11 on the phone.
ugly, when she walks in the bank they TURN OFF THE CAMERAS.
ugly, she went into a haunted house and came out with a job application.
ugly, If ugliness was a crime, she'd get the electric chair.
ugly, she could model for death threats.
ugly, when she were born they put tinted windows on sher incubator.
ugly, she has to sneak up on her mirror.
ugly, when she looks in the mirror her reflection TURNS TO STONE.
ugly, WHEN HE SITS IN THE SAND the cat tries to bury him.
ugly, I wouldn't fuck her with your dick.
ugly, If God don't like ugly, then you know she's going to hell.
ugly, HER DOCTOR IS A VET.
ugly, sher family sent she to the store for bread, and then moved.
ugly, she went to Friendly's and got punched in the face.
ugly, she gives sperm A BAD NAME.
ugly, when she goes to the beauty parlor they leave the mud on.
ugly, IF UGLINESS WERE A SNOWSTORM, yo' mother would be a blizzard.
ugly, her pet name is Scoobie Doo.
ugly, she has to play easy to get.
ugly, I gave her a hickey and got A MOUTHFUL OF FUR.
ugly, she has to trick or treat by phone.
ugly, she looks like she went on a crash diet and GOT TOTALED.
acne is so bad, her tears have to ride 4x4s to get to her chin.
ugly, she couldn't get laid if she were a brick.
ugly, HER NICKNAME IS DAMN.
pointy, on a film negative it looks like she're in the KKK.
ugly, she can stick sher face in dough and make monster cookies.
ugly, she could make AN ONION CRY.
ugly, she has to sneak up on her makeup.
ugly, the tide wouldn't bring her in.
ugly, SHE HURTS MY FEELINGS.
ugly, that the sun refuses to shine every time she come out.
ugly, IT LOOKS LIKE HER NECK THREW UP.
small, her glasses look like a windshield.
big, when she lay down THE CRACK IN HER ASS looks like a valley.
big, she can hear sign language.
small, she keep slipping into the toilet.
big, she has her hair BRAIDED BY ANGELS.
big, when she lays on her back her nose looks like the Bat Cave.
fat, they locked her out of weight watchers.
fat, she bought a hat, threw it away, and WORE THE BOX.
fat, she doesn't use tissues, she uses sheets.
fat, she CAN HEAR BACON FRYING in Canada.
fat, when she's told to haul ass she have to make two trips.
bald, every time she takes a shower, she gets brainwashed.
hairy, at the family reunion everyone calls her Cousin it.
bald, if she put on a black turtleneck she'd look like a Pepsi.
short, she need extensions just to have naps.
generous, she'd give you THE HAIR OFF HER BACK.
white, she cries milk and farts chalk.
black, she could get a job as A SHADOW.
black, when she go outside the phone rates go down.
black, they marked her absent at night school.
white, she could go to her own wedding naked.
black, when she sit in a car it looks like it has tinted windows.
ashy, I thought she had on white socks.
black, when she stands next to a building she looks LIKE AN ALLEY.
black, WHEN SHE PUTS VASELINE ON she looks like patent leather.
black, wrap her in plastic and she'd be soy sauce.
black, her frends call her SKILLET.
black, she can suck a dick with her mouth closed.
black, when she opens her eyes it looks like a subway is coming.
black, when she gets cut she doexn't bleed--she just smokes.
ashy, it looks like she STAMP OUT FOREST FIRES for a living.
ashy, it looks like she's been kicking flour.
black, if they put she in the bottle she'D BE A PEPSI.
black, when she wears a white T-shirt, she look like a cup of coffee.
black, when I looked at her I thought I was asleep.
black, if she put on orange lipstick she'd look like a cheeeburger.
black, if she sprinkled salt on she'd look like deep space.
black, if I put a stick up her ass she'd look like a Fudgesicle.
black, THE ONLY DIFFERENCE between her and midnight is 11:59.
stanky, she need to use Right and Left Guard.
stanky, when she talk HAIRS FALL OUT OF HER NOSE.
stanky, when she talks her tongue goes numb.
stanky, when she talk I can see the words come out.
stanky, she smells like two-hundred-year-old wolf pussy.
stanky, when she TAKES OFF HER SHOES her toenails curl up.
stanky, people on the phone hang up.
stanky, she needs a Tic Tac with a battery.
cheep, she wears clothes from two famous designers, Poly and Ester.
dirty, she gives me ring around the collar.
dirty, she loses weight by taking a shower.
messy, she ought to write a column called "Dear Shabby."
poor, she has more candles in her house than a Catholic church.
poor, her house HAS A KICKSTAND.
old, she went to an ANTIQUE STORE and they tagged her.
old, she was a waitress at the Last Supper.
old, I told her to act her age and she died.
old, she wrote the foreword to the Bible.
old, your father ate her pussy and got FOOD POISONING.
old, she was the promoter of David vs. Goliath.
old, when Moses split the Red Sea she was on the other side fishing.
old, she knew BURGER KING when she was just a prince.
old, she's got Jesus's beeper number.
old, she knew the Honey Comb bear when she was a Chicago Cub.
old, she knew Chubby Checker when she was Slim Jim.
old, she knew the Temptations when they were the New Kids on the Block.
old, she eats rust.
old, she still has her ticket stub from the CHRISTIANS VS. THE LIONS.
old, she remembers the Grand Canyon when it was a hidden valley.
old, SHE HELPED MOSES edit down the eighteen commandments.
old, she owes Jesus food stamps.
old, when the police ask her for I.D. she gives them a rock.
old, she remember Central Park when it was just a plant.
old, her SOCIAL SECURITY number is in Roman numerals.
old, her social security number is 1.
old, she can read the Bible and reminisce.
old, she played jacks with Cleaopatra.
old, when she gave birth she came out with dentures.
old, SHE DREAMS RERUNS.
old, she was there for the first day of slavery.
old, SHE CARRIES GROCERIES in the bags under her eyes.
old, she wears Confederate underwear.
she're so old, her tits are a 34-long.
old, her tits give powdered milk.
short, she could work as a teller AT A PIGGY BANK.
short, she has to cuff her underwear.
short, you can see her feet on her driver's license.
short and black, if she had a red light SHE'D LOOK LIKE A BEEPER.
short, she can drown in puddle.
short, she can play handball against the curb.
short, SHE JUMPED OFF THE TOILET and sprained her ankle.
short, she can shave and tie sher shoe at the same time.
short, she can walk under a bed with high heels on.
tall, she has to bend over so planes can pass. 
short, she bumped her head JUMPING THE TURNSTILE.
short, she could sit on a dime and swing her legs.
poor, she goes to Kentucky Fried Chicken to lick other people's fingers.
poor, she had to put a Big Mac on layaway.
poor, she wears her McDonald's uniform to church.
poor, your mother calls TV dinner trays HER GOOD CHINA.
tight, she can back into a wall and suck out a brick.
poor, she can't afford to pay attention.
poor, THEY MAKE THANKSGIVING TURKEY in a Shake 'n Bake bag.
poor, she window shops at Kmart.
poor, the last time she had a HOT MEAL was when her house was on fire.
poor, she used to have a color TV, until the crayons wore out.
poor, she went to the subway booth and said, "I'm on the guest list."
poor, she got married for the rice. 
poor, her TV only has two channels--on and off.
poor, she used to have housewarming parties for the heat.
old, they stole sher Club and left the car.
poor, I saw her on the street SELLING LOOSE M & M'S.
poor, she watch TV on an Etch-A-Sketch.
poor, the roaches have to eat out or go hungry.
poor, her inheritance was in food stamps.
ugly, she has three teeth--one in her mouth, and two in her pocket.
toothless, it takes her an hour to eat Minute rice.
bucktoothed, she can eat CORN ON THE COB through a fence.
bad, she can kiss a man and comb her moustache at the same time.
DIRTY, she could drink water an spit Yoo-Hoo.
skinny, she have to TIE KNOTS IN sheR LEGS to make knees.
skinny, she could sleep in a pencil case.
skinny, if she grew an Afro she'd look like a black Q-Tip.
skinny, HER NIPPLES TOUCH.
skinny, she could hang glide on a Dorito.
skinny, she could run through a closed door.
skinny, she can dodge raindrops.
skinny, she DON'T HAVE A BUTT--just an anus hanging on sher spine.
skinny, she only weigh 120 pounds with a brick in her hand.
skinny, if she put a plate on top of her head she'd look like a nail.
skinny, she has TO WEAR A BELT with her bike shorts.
skinny, Sally Struthers sends her food.
skinny, she could limbo under a closed door.
skinny, she can Hula Hoop with a Cheerio.
blind, she couldn't find a brother in a room FULL OF MARSHMALLOWS.
cross-eyed, she walks in circles.
cross-eyed, she went shopping and didn't know what aisle she was in.
cross-eyed, when she has sex she thinks she's part of a threesome.
cross-eyed, she can see her own ears.
blind, she has her eye in her asshole and still can't see shit.
cross-eyed, when she cries tears run down her back.
nasty, she has to PUT ICE BETWEEN HER LEGS to keep the crabs fresh.
slutty, she has a pussy on her hip, so she can make money on the side.
ugly, If she didn't have ears, she'd look like my dick.
slutty, she is like a TV set--anyone can turn her on.
smelly, SHE CLOSED HER LEGS--Becouse her breath stinks.
nasty, she thought a washer-dryer was a douche bag and a towel.
loose, SHE'S LIKE A BUFFET--everyone can help themselves.
easy, she carries a mattress on her back.
loose, her gynecologist had to treat her for chapped lips.
HORNY, the last time she felt a breast it came out of a KFC bucket.
Horny, she joined the army because she heard there was a Fort Dix.
